Build Calluses in Your Mind

Passion is what helps us look inside when we desperately search the outer world for answers. It’s the reason we piece together things that seem too separate. Passion is the loading zone to start again after betrayal and heartbreak. The trouble with passion, we lose port in it to nurture disappointment.

There is a torrid fire inside each of us that refuses to give up. Call it passion, purpose, or destiny, but it’s there. It’s not always easy to find during abuse or neglect, divorce, deep grief, when we’re stuck over that love that left too early, or crippled over circumstance that seems like a curse. How hard it may be to feel passion, to keep passion connected to the soul, when our heart compares present to history and asks, what’s the point?

You’re hurting, passion is out of reach, everything you feel is real, and it seems what should be yours belongs to someone else. This is when it becomes easy to misinterpret disappointment as failure. Every action to become unstuck only leads to more suffocating and dangerous people that turn life upside down. Suddenly, paradigm with perspective is controlled by disappointment instead of passion; we can’t control that and those which cause fear. Silence inhibits that space with the voice of disappointment to ask, who are you now?

I wish I could promise that if you just show up every day, or endure the heartache to fail five times, that passion and destiny finally congeal, but that isn’t how this works.

There are no definitive answers, or emotional cartography skills that guide each of us to the holy grail of life without disappointment. If there were, passion wouldn’t exist, because we would stop searching for the intoxicating things that make us want to understand more than we’ve been given. If then we accept one must have the other, we must to accept that disappointment doesn’t ask but demands, who. are. you. now?

When disappointment strikes, all we can feel is what is lost, so passion stays in the shadows with a dwindling flame waiting for us to soak it with the gasoline of resonance. Sometimes, we never do.

There is something about disappointment in all degrees that makes certainty become unstable. Everything vanishes, and suddenly we are unbelievably human–in a constant quarrel with the ghosts of our past. When disappointment walks into your life, surrender to all that it shatters, all that it takes, and all things safe it crumbles. Build calluses in your mind. Then, dare it to try again.

Take the friction and pressure of disappointment, and morph it into a hardened layer of self-endurance. Picture the abrasive texture of thick corns, toughened patches of skin, rough exterior of raised dry surface, now nail it around your mind. This wall of callosity is so blistered, nothing can walk through it. This is the fortress for passion to burgeon.

I believe that you and I have the ability to build calluses in our mind.  We wouldn’t be here if we didn’t want a different way out. We know what it’s like to feel so disconnected from passion, and succumbed to disappointment, that our heart compares present to history and asks, what am I supposed to do? Trust again?

Yes. Yes, trust again. Because no matter the offset of who. are. you. now disappointment that will come over and over, the calluses in our mind will keep it from tarnishing passion. That passion is what helps us trust again, re-imagine what the point is, stop the ghosts of our past from haunting this present, and understand that the only answer to give is, that. which. changes. the. world.

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Can You Feel This: Self-Help for Borderline Personality Disorder, Depression and Mental Health Advocacy.


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